This post is just to let all my family, friends and readers know that I am your ally. I am here for you. Postpartum depression is not an easy thing to talk about. It's hard to find someone to talk about it with, someone who won't think you're fucking crazy, think you don't love your… Continue reading Postpartum depression

It's been a really rough week, our senior dog is requiring more and more help and medications to keep her arthritis at bay. Making the decision to put her down has definitely been triggering...plus I feel so much more emotional these days and paired with the lack of sleep, I have been somewhat of a… Continue reading Quote

Today I was running around and pushing it close to Bennett's next feed. Of course he started crying. Vigorously. Which almost never happens thus far. Listening to his cry, I started crying myself. Not because I was panicking or feeling bad, but because it was so good to hear his little cry. Something Harrison physically… Continue reading Baby cries

One day late, I want to wish my fellow grievers a Happy Mother's Day. It actually may not be "happy", it may be sad and incredibly emotional for many of us. Many of us may hate this day. This year was the first year I've ever heard of "Bereaved Mother's Day". Probably because this is… Continue reading Happy Mother’s Day

When Harrison's grim prognosis was finally and realistically presented to us, one of his many great nurses suggested pictures taken with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. As an L&D nurse, I had dealt with the volunteer photography group a handful of times, but it never crossed my mind when it was my own… Continue reading Photography from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Hello all! My apologies for the delay in any blog posts lately. A few things: The rainbow is here, safe and sound! We named him Bennett James. Bennett means blessing, which he most certainly is. James is a little touch from all the good men in my life, my dad, my husband and my Harrison… Continue reading Blog update

Last Easter, Harrison was relatively stable, critical, but we were finally able to hold him. He was off the special ventilator that vibrated him constantly. He still had many troubles with collapsing his lungs, high pressure and oxygen settings on the ventilator. We had no idea what the future held. He loved being held, he… Continue reading Easter

Rainbow mamas, How do you do it? Day in and day out. How do you cope with the anxiety and fear? I try to trust that everything will be okay, but it seems like the closer I am to delivering, the more fear I feel. With every scan and every test result, I am waiting… Continue reading Rainbow mamas

A while ago I read an interesting blog about living in a pregnancy obsessed culture while dealing with loss. Read the article here At first I thought that's crazy, I don't see that at all. Even as an OB nurse, I didn't feel like our culture was "pregnancy obsessed". I felt surrounded by it, but… Continue reading Pregnancy Etiquette

Not everyone gets to feel this joy. I am getting closer and closer to delivering our rainbow. It makes me more and more anxious. All I can think about are all the ways this can go wrong. We've been buying the rest of the items we needed, setting up the rest of his room, putting… Continue reading Thoughts on the rainbow