Long term memory

So the last few weekends, we’ve been going through a lot of Harrison’s stuff/stuff that was meant for Harrison. His room has been a storage area for all things baby, and all things Harrison. Before the rainbow, our plans were to just leave it like so, but now that we have the rainbow coming in roughly 10 weeks, we find ourselves prepping for this baby…and putting some of Harrison’s things away. I can’t help but feel sad, guilty almost. Like I’m betraying Harrison, taking away his space. This room was supposed to be his, and now it’s not. I try to convince myself it’s like the rainbow will be sharing his room with his older brother.

What do I do with Harrison’s name sign? A couple weeks ago, some of the letters started to fall off. I figured out that they were only glued onto the wood, so I re-glued it with a hot glue gun instead. It seemed sturdier, but then I thought where am I going to hang this? Five years from now, what will be Harrison’s legacy? What will the rainbow say, think, or know of his brother? As time carries on, who will remember Harrison? Will we all slowly forget about him?

Someone asked me a while ago, what does Ava remember and know about Harrison? Ava talks all the time about him, and still reminds me that she wants a Harrison foot print necklace when she gets a little older. I told this person that, and she proceeded to say something like ” Ava will probably not remember Harrison 5 or 10 years“. I was kind of upset at this. I truly believe Ava is at an age where she will remember Harrison and what we’ve been through, but then I think what do I remember from when I was 7? And that’s not too much. Will she remember Harrison? Will she still think of and talk about her baby brother?

I know in my mind, I will never forget Harrison. I think of him every day when I see his picture in our house, and I will never let his memory fade, but we all know how life gets. What will life be like in 6 months? The rainbow would be about 4 months old…and it’s hard with a new baby. Will I still think of Harrison every day? I still find myself saying YES, but in reality, when you are sleep deprived and running on empty, working and trying to balance life, will you really still think of Harrison? I cry and it makes me sad to think like that.

I don’t want to put Harrison’s stuff away. I want to keep this room only for Harrison and have the rainbow in a completely different room. I am exhausted with this fear.

What do you do with your child’s or loved ones things? How do you keep their memory alive? How do your keep their memory alive after they have been gone 5, 10+ years and beyond?

Thanks for visiting!


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