So I have been completely without words lately. Today, I am 22 days away from giving birth to my third child, God willing. I am nervous, excited, exhausted, happy, sad, annoyed, guilt ridden, uncomfortable and trying to enjoy this as much as possible.

I have been working as a nurse in an outpatient surgery clinic and my stomach is very noticeable. In the way at times. People are CONSTANTLY asking about this pregnancy. Almost every patient I come into contact with, comments on my pregnant stomach.

Anyone pregnant with their rainbow and not want to talk about it? I almost feel like I’m going to jinx myself. At this point, I try to stay vague and polite with strangers, but I honestly don’t even want to talk about it anymore. Is this normal? I am excited, but often remind myself to reel it in. I am terrified something may happen to this boy. What if something happens following his birth? What if something happens to me during birth? At times, my thoughts are spiraling. So much that I can’t focus, I can’t even write or type the words or thoughts. I stopped seeing my counselor because I felt she was not helpful. With every visit, all I hear is “I think you’re doing great, Megan, keep it up”.

How have any rainbow mamas been in their pregnancies? How did you do it? What bothered you? How did you survive?


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