A while ago I read an interesting blog about living in a pregnancy obsessed culture while dealing with loss. Read the article here At first I thought that’s crazy, I don’t see that at all. Even as an OB nurse, I didn’t feel like our culture was “pregnancy obsessed”. I felt surrounded by it, but that’s because I loved OBGYN. That was my job, my passion, I was absolutely fascinated by everything women’s health related. I thought if I ever went back to school, I would become a women’s health NP.
However, as my rainbow baby stomach grew more and more, I received an overwhelming amount of comments, questions, and unwelcomed advice from complete strangers. EVERY DAY. Every single day I worked, went to the grocery store, took my kid to the park or mall, I mean everywhere. It has been unbelievable. And now that my stomach is absolutely massive, the comments keep coming and seem even more ridiculous.
Maybe I’ve been a little more sensitive this pregnancy, maybe it’s the hormones, but damn people, just stop with the comments. People really are pregnancy obsessed. Strangers are at times, downright rude, nosy and incredibly intrusive. Absolutely unbelievable things have been said to me. Some things don’t even come off as rude, but when you hear the answer, you may realize that you are purely being way too intrusive. Sure these strangers don’t know my history, probably aren’t expecting me to say what I’m about to, and maybe they are just trying to be nice. But honestly, you don’t even have to acknowledge my pregnancy for me (and many other women) to consider you nice, polite or a good person.
- Is this your first?
- You look too young to be pregnant.
- Wow! You are huge!
- Why did you wait so long in between your pregnancies?
- Oh thank god it’s a boy!
- How far along are you? ….. That’s it?!?
- You’ll need to have another one so he’s not lonely!
- What do you have at home?
- You’re all belly, that’s good so you can bounce back quickly for your husband!
I could literally spend all day writing these comments. At first these comments didn’t bother me, shit, I feel like I’ve been through a war sometimes. But hearing them day in and day out was starting to eat away at me. I would wake up in the middle of the night hearing “why did you wait so long in between?” and “wow! You’re huge!” really hit me when I failed my one hour glucose. My husband kept saying don’t let it bother you babe, but it did. Family and friends, coworkers, people I know…bring on the questions. I’m happy to talk about this amazing gift of a pregnancy. I feel extremely blessed to be able to carry this child. Strangers though? I’m sorry, please don’t comment on my pregnancy or huge belly!! It’s really NONE of your business at all. I really don’t need you to say congratulations because in my fucked up mind, I’m not even out of the woods yet. My baby could still die, and if that happened, would you still be congratulating me? No, you probably wouldn’t have a damn clue what to say. Because it’s true. Our culture IS obsessed with everything pregnancy related. Baby showers, sprinkles, celebrities being pregnant, gender reveals…the list goes on. But what to say to a grieving mother? People get rather quiet.
When I answered the intrusive questions of one particular person who just wouldn’t stop, I told her about my history of TWO miscarriages, and that my beautiful baby boy died at 3 months old, I cannot tell you how satisfying the quiet was after that. I really hope that person learned a lesson to not PRY into others lives, especially a complete stranger.
If you are a stranger, you should not comment at all on someone’s pregnancy. Definitely don’t touch my pregnant belly either.
Thanks for reading!