Rainbow mamas

Rainbow mamas,

How do you do it? Day in and day out. How do you cope with the anxiety and fear? I try to trust that everything will be okay, but it seems like the closer I am to delivering, the more fear I feel. With every scan and every test result, I am waiting for the ball to drop. For the bad news to come rolling in. I feel like if I talk about this pregnancy or this baby, I may jinx it.

I remember every day while Harrison was alive, feeling the worst feeling ever, like something bad was about to happen, every single day. Every day, we were waiting for a diagnosis that would ultimately end Harrison’s life. We never received an official diagnosis.

I am terrified something bad will happen and we will be sitting in fear every day.

Sometimes I feel so afraid, I wonder how I got the guts enough to even try again. I remember I felt so convinced that all our testing came back “normal” that we’d go on to have a happy and healthy pregnancy, but now that I am nearing the end, all I can think about is all the things that can go horribly wrong.

Rainbow mamas, how did you do it? What reassured you? Did the extra monitoring relieve you or give you more anxiety?


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