Not everyone gets to feel this joy. I am getting closer and closer to delivering our rainbow. It makes me more and more anxious. All I can think about are all the ways this can go wrong. We've been buying the rest of the items we needed, setting up the rest of his room, putting… Continue reading Thoughts on the rainbow
So I have been completely without words lately. Today, I am 22 days away from giving birth to my third child, God willing. I am nervous, excited, exhausted, happy, sad, annoyed, guilt ridden, uncomfortable and trying to enjoy this as much as possible. I have been working as a nurse in an outpatient surgery clinic… Continue reading Rainbows
For Harrison's birthday, we were looking for some way to honor sweet Harrison's life. I had read a lot of other families doing really amazing things in honor of their loved ones and I wanted to do something similar. Grief is a powerful thing. It stole my energy and drive and motivation. Took my husbands… Continue reading Giving grief a purpose
I can't believe one year has passed since you were born. One year since we anxiously awaited your arrival and prayed you would somehow be okay. One year started the biggest heartbreak of our lives. I never felt sadness or pain the way I did when I watched you suffer. I wanted things to be… Continue reading Happy birthday Harrison
No writing lately. I feel stuck in a slump. I feel very overwhelmed right now with some things going on in our lives. I feel overwhelmed with anxiety, guilt, anger, confusion. So much so that I don't even know what to type or write down. I feel like I am holding on with one finger.… Continue reading Slumped
So the last few weekends, we've been going through a lot of Harrison's stuff/stuff that was meant for Harrison. His room has been a storage area for all things baby, and all things Harrison. Before the rainbow, our plans were to just leave it like so, but now that we have the rainbow coming in… Continue reading Long term memory
Happy Valentine's Day Harrison! I miss your sweet little face so much. I remember the first time I came in and you looked at me. Your sad eyes called me and said "mommy". I cried because you had been so out of it for weeks on a fentanyl drip. I was so happy to see… Continue reading Valentine’s Day
I had a dream about when I worked in the PACU. I only worked there for a few months while transitioning out of L&D. Honestly, accepting that position was the dumbest move. I wanted so desperately out of L&D, they were the first job offer...I did not care who or where the job offer was… Continue reading Nursing
We slept at the NICU that night. We gave Harrison his first real bath. He melted right into the water. He looked so relaxed. My eyes burned with tears. We had been able to lay on a little couch with him almost that whole weekend. Cuddled him up and watched movies together, listened to music,… Continue reading The day Harrison went to heaven
Harrison's birthday is coming up. March 10 our little dude would've been ONE! It kills me. We wanted to do something special, and we've been tossing around some different ideas. I think we have narrowed it down. But I'm really interested in how others celebrate their loved ones birthday. Not just the sweet babies either,… Continue reading Harrison’s birthday
